Lover Of The Light

"You may not trust the promises of the change I'll show; but I'd be yours If you'd be mine"

I had heard this song a million times before Friday, but never registered it. Sure, I like Mumford & Sons, doesn't everybody? In any case, I realised I had never truly heard the lyrics.

To me this song speaks of someone losing his relationship into the darkness of life, the everyday squabbles, the things that have long since worn you down - and unfortunately, this isn't the first time. But - as they say - it's not over until the fat lady sings; or in this case, until you give up.

"I had done wrong; you built your tower - but call me home and I will build a throne"

I love that line. It speaks volumes of both parties. He's messed up, she's messed up, they're both at the end of the rope; but all he wants in the whole world is to be invited back into her life. He doesn't know what he can do for their relationship exactly, but he knows he's not ready to give up, and so he must try. 

There's a semi-famous quote from Jane Addams (although to be honest I hadn't known who said it until now) which I feel is relevant to this post.

"Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world."

Well, one might not be trying to save the world; but the stakes feel just as high.

Book Review: Heartstopper (Joy Fielding)

Title: Heartstopper
Author: Joy Fielding
Genre: Thriller
Publisher: Pocket Books

In the town of Torrance, FL (population: 4,160) the body count is rising. With a killer on the loose and an over-the-hill sheriff in charge, things seem bleak for this isolated populace. Fielding invites you into the small community and into the lives and minds of several engaging characters, including - the killer. Until now, Sheriff John Weber had been equipped to handle anything and everything, but until now, that had only entailed traffic citations. Will he and his deputies solve the case before it's too late?

Fielding does an admirable job here in ensuring too much detail is never given away at any one time, making you second guess yourself when it comes to doing your own detective work. However, this book is hardly a thriller in that it fails to keep you alert throughout, as the book does not follow the story line through one character, but introduces you into the minds of half a dozen (albeit imperative) characters. Here the author does a great job at allowing you to see things from all possible angles, however still masking the necessary information - much like a thriller should - but allows you to get too caught up in the character development rather than the goings on of the crimes, and fails to keep you on the edge of your seat.

I really did enjoy the books despite this, and thought the different approach worked well-enough. Not bad for a $2 find at the local op-shop. If you're looking for a thriller that doesn't necessary follow the classic formula, this is the book for you - alternatively, if thriller is not your regular genre, you may also enjoy this book.

Heartstopper by Joy Fielding is available new or used from BetterWorldBooks (at time of publish)

The biggest risk you might ever take - loving

An excerpt from one of my favourite shows, Community - on a subject I know and understand very little about; marriage and love.

Jeff: People can make all sorts of promises, but they never stick it out!

Andre:  It's not something you just stick out man, it's a risk that you take together; and you don't just promise it once, you gotta promise it every day.

Shirley: Yes, but the person you're making promises to is gonna change, and you have to accept that!

Andre: I do ... but do you promise to be patient?

Shirley: I do ... but do you accept that maybe it's time to let someone else take the lead?

Andre: I do, baby I swear I do.

Out of my mind

A poem I wrote on a late shift, after chatting with a forensic patient. His crime is murder and his diagnosis is Schizophrenia. Every day he waits, to move on from his past - stuck in a system which cannot fiscally afford to support him and so many others with the necessary rehabilitation. His treatment is medication, which is almost rendered null and void by the institution he is stuck within - sapping what remaining sanity he has left. 

Out of my mind

Andrew Kimpton

Through the cold breeze of winter and as the summer bears down on my brow

The answer I seek for remains to be now

Today not tomorrow, nor the day after that

The replies that they give, like whips to my back

Soon my friend soon, as I wait and I wait

My life now on pause, in the hands of dear fate

My hands want to work and my feet yearn to walk

My heart full of love, but here I just talk

To the mirror at night and the shadows at day

Its the best I can do to keep demons at bay

They whisper they shout! They cloud up my mind

They've taken from me what is rightfully mine

Stripped naked before you; my sanity gone

You see not a man here - just the monster I've become.

My #1 Interest

"As sure as I live, this love that I give is gonna be yours until the day that I die"

As a young 20-something, very few positive things could be said about my generation's attention span; and I am of course, no exception to the rule. However, if you're a glass-half-full sort of person, then you could say that the things that do hold my attention must really be important.

Over my lifetime, on and off, there's only really been a few things that have held my interests (cars, fitness and all those regular guy stuff), and everything else has just fallen in between the cracks of life (reading, fish-keeping and music - to name a few). And so to think of being interested in anything forever... Well, that's just beyond the bounds of possibility!

Well, it was - until I met my special little woman.

Not much can be said that I haven't already said about her before, but of anything that's ever had my attention - she's got the tightest grip and it's not loosening! Ever heard the saying, "When you know, you know." Well I'm a big believer in it, and I just know - I'm gonna love you forever.

House-Dad

As the new age approaches (or is it already here?), we see the line blurring between the roles between man and woman. For the most part, I actually like the traditional roles; I like cars doing stuff in the yard etc, and my partner loves to craft and takes care of a lot of the things around the home (like decorating and such).

However, we've already started to cross over. As far as our careers are concerned, she is and always will be, the big earner. So, when the responsibilities of home start to pile on (ankle-biters and the like), guess who will be taking time off to take up the slack at home? Mr House-Dad of course! But you know what? I couldn't be more excited. My partner has great goals for her future, and I believe in her 100%. I trust her with our finances, and I know she'll always pull through for us, and so I look forward to my duty to make sure that everything else in life is taken care of.

But this is all in the future of course, for now I'm happy to let her wash my dishes, much to her dismay.

This is how we never met

I always enjoy a good WongFu Production, but this one I think is extra special; because it reminds me of how I might not have met my perfect little lady Anne. We met by chance, a very small one at that, which I won't go into. But I will say this, I was much much more slick than Ki Hong Lee here.

An old friend

An excerpt from one of my favourite childhood books, by my favourite author, Stephen King. This was sent to me from an old friend I had been trying to avoid, knowing it would be the only thing to win me over. I've grown to be quite anti-social as my years go on, but to describe how it is to spend time with a friend that you'd happily drown* with is impossible. The list grows shorter these days, my partner and few others - but they're quality; each of them.

*Read as lose site of auxiliary life distractions

Sunny side up

As a nurse, I occasionally come across people with one form of disability or another; and every time it is confirmed to me that they are the strongest people to live life. Never would I ever wish it upon any of my future children, but forever will I be amazed at their courage.

Over the years I've had a few jobs, most of them dealing with people; and so many times have I worked with fully-able people with such shitty dispositions. So it's always so unbelievably refreshing to meet anyone with a bright outlook on life, especially when that person has been burdened with a form of disability.

I'm not going to lie, I've got my own not-so-deep-seeded mean streak too, and at times I can be a horrible person to be around. But wouldn't it be great if we took page from those less fortunate? A message that passes through us frequently but leaves no trace. So maybe today, we should all be just a little bit nicer to the people around us. I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

Being a bloke

Testosterone. Forget that image in your head of irrational, quick tempered muscle-heads for a moment, and think of this - every man needs testosterone to be a happy, healthy man. Its associations with bumpy-faced teens and gym-junkies has left the average Joe underestimating their need for this hormone.

So what's it for?

• Sperm count - Looking to be a dad? It's not happening without a good count of testosterone. If you're having troubles conceiving, it's a good idea to get this checked
• Headspace - Feeling a bit blue or stressed lately? Lost some confidence at work or home? Just not been on the ball? Studies have shown the hormone can alleviate mild depression, and maximise cognitive ability
• Energy - If you often get to the end of the day exhausted, especially when your energy output has been mild, it could be a clue that your count is down. A good level of testosterone can also help with fat loss and increasing muscle mass (with diet and exercise)
• Libido - Not as randy as you once were? Could be yet another sign of a low count. Get it checked, and your heightened libido and hardened erections (and partner) will thank you

What can lower my count?

Unfortunately, almost everything in our daily lives is out to attack us. From the plastics in our water bottles, to our stressful jobs. Other T drainers include: stress; excess consumption of soy, processed foods, and alcohol; long cardio sessions, and age.

So how can I build it back up?

• Diet - you need cut out or cut back on the above listed foods. Other helpers in increasing your count include: zinc supplements or high zinc foods (oysters, beef and pine nuts); protein rich foods such as red meat; and cruciferous vegetable (broccoli and cauliflower) which aid in lowering estrogen and increasing testosterone
• Lifestyle - Exercise! But steer clear of those long cardio sessions, lift heavy! The 5x5 (5 reps of 5 sets of each exercise) is a great way to get started in increasing your testosterone, while burning away those funny fat man titties! And finally, sleep more. Get yourself a good mattress, forget your worries and doze off for a good eight hours. It gives your body time to de-stress, and start replacing those hormones in your body.

It is a lot of changes, but follow them as best you can and you'll be feeling like a man in no time. Stronger, happier and more confident! 

We do not die; we pass on.

 "When you leave, I will not cry for you; I will run to the strongest wind I can find and welcome you home."

 So many people are concerned about death. I always thought it was an old man's fear of an uncertain tomorrow, but lately I've found that it touches even the young. Everyone has their thoughts and theories, whether religious or not, but the truth simply is - we do not know. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Good advice

"Never skimp on a proper mattress or a great pair of shoes. You spend your life in one or another." 

Sasha Roiz

A touch of wisdom

THIS BE THE VERSE

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

  They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

  And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

  By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

  And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

  It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

  And don't have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin